matchmaking and caramel
by deceptivelycomplex3925
Summary: I have no explanation of this other than I needed to write it.


"You know there is this thing called _silence_ and it's this totally new invention that they have in the settings on phones today."

Regina gives the now smirking brunette a withering glare and reaches her left hand over to click the lock button on her iPhone. Again.

"Shove it, Rizzoli," she hisses back and then directs her glare to that insipid suburban housewife with that _ridiculous _high pony tail who has apparently claimed it as her duty to shush her every time she speaks.

Regina Mills does _not_ get shushed.

She hears a throaty chuckle from Jane and they move from the down dog position to child's pose and that little brat is lucky she no longer uses fireballs and vines to teach lessons of respect.

"Careful, your majesty," Jane whispers mockingly, "your eyes are turning purple."

Another glare.

#

They're at their usual table in the small café, nestled in the back corner, Regina on one side and Maura and Jane on the other. Jane's got a coffee – much to Maura's irritation because apparently Jane's supposed to be cutting back (it's been a good year or so now) – Maura's drinking chai tea, along with Regina who buckled under Maura's insistence to try it.

It isn't terrible.

Jane has her arm up over the back of the booth, her fingers twirling mindlessly with one of the ends of Maura's curls in her pony tail and Maura's leaning into Jane's side and she loves them both very much but they're nauseatingly domestic and remind her _far_ too much of Snow and David right now.

Regina takes a sip of her drink and tries to refrain from rolling her eyes at them. She fails.

Maura meets her gaze and tilts her head smiling, a dimple forming.

"So what are Henry and Emma up to today?" she asks, missing the knowing smirk on Jane's face.

Regina doesn't and she flicks her eyes to give Jane a dirty look before sighing and waving her hand dismissively, taking another sip of her tea.

"Something about a Lord of the Rings marathon and endless amounts of popcorn."

Maura chuckles and Jane bobs her head in approval.

"Classic," she says with a smack of her lips, still nodding.

"You and Emma certainly have similar taste in movies," Regina drawls, "which is to say that both of you don't have any whatsoever."

Jane gasps and brings up a hand to her heart as if that's the most offensive thing anyone could say to her ever. She even sputters on her coffee a bit.

"Did you just slight one of the greatest trilogies to have ever been made _ever_?"

Regina shrugs, feigns indifference, takes another sip of her drink.

"I've seen them, they're mediocre at best. And really, trees talking and coming to life _and_ throwing random objects about?" Regina scoffs and shakes her head.

Jane gives her a look that suggests perhaps she should maybe check into a mental institution.

"You were the _Evil_ _Queen_ from the Enchanted Forest, Regina. You learned _magic_ from a freaking reptile-man and you think talking trees are ridiculous?"

Regina thinks about that for a minute and then nods her head, conceding.

"Touché, dear."

Maura chuckles and shakes her head as if to say 'these are the idiots I've chosen to love' and then Regina's phone starts buzzing again, Emma's name lighting up the screen.

And she doesn't even have to look at Jane to know she's smirking. Again.

Regina sighs and sets down her tea, picking up the phone and swiping her thumb across the screen. If something had happened to Henry, Emma would have kept calling after the first time she ignored it. She didn't.

So Emma was calling for personals reasons. Or she's blown something up again. She really hopes that's not the reason, she _is_ with their son.

"Miss Swan, was there any particular part of 'I'll be back in a few hours' that you did not comprehend?"

Regina can practically hear Emma's eyes rolling.

"We need your passcode for HBO."

Regina's brow creases in confusion.

"Why would you – you're in _my_ house right now?" Regina feels a jolt of anger followed by a flutter of something she doesn't at all want to even _try_ to name and really, she doesn't know why she sounds so incredulous when Emma's at the mansion more times than she's not nowadays and now it's more a reflex than anything to react with anger toward the blonde's lack of decorum.

There's a huff on the other end and the sound of clanking and what sounds like her cupboards being opened and closed and Regina lets out a huff of her own because Emma's _rummaging_ and she feels _comfortable_ enough to do so, with her on the phone no less, and honestly –

"_What_ are you looking for?" Regina says in exasperation once the bangs and clangs become increasingly louder with the blonde's apparent frustration.

"Where the hell are the bowls in this place, they're not above the sink anymore."

And again, the fact that Emma _knows_ where her bowls had been makes that flutter more pronounced and her stomach kind of lurch.

"That's because I moved them. They're in the cupboard to the right of the coffee maker, top shelf."

She misses the looks of silent amusement between her two companions and the mouthed 'so married' from Jane.

Regina hears some shuffling and two clanks and a 'got 'em' and rolls her eyes.

"_Do_ make yourself at home, dear."

"Don't worry, I am," Emma chirps, sniffing for good measure.

And Regina's horrified to feel her mouth tugging up into a smile and so she rolls her eyes again to cover up her slip and try to make a show of how much the blonde annoys her but really it just comes out affectionate and _comfortable_ and damn it.

"We're making popcorn. Henry wants his drizzled with caramel, do you have any?"

Regina leans back against the cushion of the booth, affronted.

"Of course I don't have any cara – "

"Oh yeah?" Emma drawls, "is that why there's a bottle of it hidden behind the Brita filter?" She's smirking, she knows she is.

Regina's face flushes and god damn her.

"Stop nosing around in my refrigerator, Miss Swan," she snaps out, but it doesn't have its usual icy bite. It's a bit too fond. Regina wants to groan.

She hears a chuckle and the sound of beeping buttons and then the buzz of the microwave.

"You're blushing right now aren't you?"

And no, no she is most certainly _not_ blushing. She's _not_ blushing over the fact that her clandestine sweet tooth is now not so clandestine anymore and she _definitely_ is not blushing because of Emma Swan.

"I'm hanging up now."

And Emma laughs out loud at that, all tinkering and soft and free and _comfortable_ and Regina's breath catches at the sound.

"I really only called to out you on the caramel," she says, laughter lingering in her voice. "You need a new hiding place, by the way, Henry was the one who told me where to look. Rolled his eyes at you and everything, even crossed his arms and was all 'I can't believe she seriously thinks I don't know about it' – looked just like you, it was kinda scary."

So _that's_ why the bottle felt a bit too light the other evening. Hm.

"Yes, well I _am_ his mother," she sniffs. And it's not said to show possession, to hurt or barb, it's said in jest. Teasing. She's _teasing_ with Emma Swan.

This is utterly ridiculous.

"Yeah, yeah," Emma replies and Regina hears the loud popping of the popcorn and then Henry's 'Mom, come on, it's starting!' in the background and her brow furrows.

"Kid, it's operated on play and pause, stop rushing the popcorn," she hears Emma say.

"I thought you needed the passcode?" Regina asks, confused.

Emma chuckles again. "Nope. I literally just called to hear your reaction about the caramel. Gotta say, I'm a little let down. Figured you'd freak out a little more."

Regina clicks her tongue. "I do not _freak_ _out_, Emma."

"Okay, sure, Regina. Keep telling yourself that," Emma says through a smile.

There's a long beep of the microwave and the sound of the door of it being opened.

"Alright, our kid's gonna yell at me again so I'll see you later. Give Maura a kiss for me and tell Jane to keep her grumpus under control. We'll save you a bowl. With caramel," she adds, smirking and _honestly_ smirking is _Regina's_ forte so why is everybody stealing it from her today?

"I hate you." And she hears Emma's laugh again as she pulls the phone away from her ear and presses the end button, putting it in her coat pocket next to her before turning to find two sets of amused and knowing eyes.

"Don't," she holds up a hand and inhales, shaking her head.

Maura bites her lip to keep from smiling and Jane just tilts her head and smirks.

"_Miss Swan_," she mimics.

"Rizzoli, don't think I won't turn you into a toad," Regina threatens.

Jane scoffs and leans forward, her dark eyes playful.

"You wouldn't dare, Mills."

And she's right of course. They're in public. Outside of Storybrooke. So of course she wouldn't. It doesn't mean she can't entertain the idea though.

"I care far too much for Maura to put her through that anyway. You'd be exceptionally hideous as an amphibian."

"Regina!" Maura exclaims, chuckling even as she tries to sound admonishing, surging forward to swat at Regina, her fingers just barely brushing against her bare arm from her tank top, the swell of her belly hindering her from outright slapping her.

Regina shrugs and finds Jane's eyes, smiling and warm, and Regina finds herself answering in kind. Their playful banter is something she truly enjoys – it reminds her of how she is with Emma. Not that she'd ever admit that to Jane, of course. Regina turns back to Maura who's now shaking her head at her.

She takes a sip of her tea, her hand idly rubbing circles into her very pregnant belly and her eyes are soft when they meet Regina's.

"You know she feels the same way, Regina," she says gently.

And Regina's head tilts back and her mouth falls agape because she wasn't expecting _Maura_ to be the one to talk about this. She's supposed to be on _her_ side, supposed to yell at _Jane_ for being pushy and bringing it up every time they're together.

"I don't – "

"We're not Snow, we're not David, we're not anyone from Storybrooke, Regina. We're your best friends, like your only friends actually, so stop trying to act all indignant and 'I wouldn't _deign_ to care for someone like Miss Swan, scoff, hair flip.' We love you. We love Emma. You love Emma. Emma loves you. Now get together already so we can have double dates and be sickeningly clichéd and adorable together." Jane's giving her that _look_. That 'we love you, sweetie' look and Jane's all hard edges and bad ass 'doesn't take no shit' but she's giving her that _look_ and she's so much like Emma sometimes and it makes Regina's heart ache and it's too much and so she does what she does best.

She pretends it doesn't affect her and hides beneath layers of snark.

"I have friends," Regina quips, sounding more petulant than icy.

Jane snorts and Maura rolls her eyes.

"Name one," Jane taunts.

And Regina's brain stutters because really she doesn't have _friends._ No one from Storybrooke really fits that term, it's much too simple a word.

She thinks of Emma, of lopsided smiles and rich, blonde curls. She clenches her jaw.

Regina ignores the jibe altogether then and tilts her head.

"At least I'm not whipped, dear."

Jane's eyebrows shoot up to her hairline and she smiles, impressed.

"I'm surprised you even know that word."

Regina scoffs and then pins them with a glare.

"Since when are you two so invested in my love life, anyway?"

"Uh, since the very first day we saw you with Emma. Duh." Jane replies and Maura nods, giving her an apologetic smile.

Regina sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose.

"You two are exhausting."

"You love us," Jane sing-songs.

"Not right now I don't," she is actually pouting. Regina Mills _doesn't_ pout.

She feels a hand rest atop hers and tips her eyes up to see Maura's thumb brushing against her knuckles.

"Tell her, sweetie."

And Regina's jaw sets and she really _does_ love these two but right now she does _not_ want to talk about this.

"Yeah, but like maybe stop calling her Miss Swan? Even the kid thinks you're ridiculous." Jane comments.

"I'm sorry, but do you not refer to each other as Dr. Isles and Detective?"

"Yes," Jane nods, "but we," she motions between her and Maura, "do it because we're flirting...and usually trying to get the other to bed...or _while_ we're - "

Maura gasps and back hands Jane's bicep. Jane just grabs her hand and and interlaces their fingers, smiling, all mischievous and _you're so screwed, Mills_.

"We're married. It's allowed…and not weird."

And Regina catches Maura's sympathetic smile before she buries her face in her hands and lets out that over-due groan.

"You'd think after a few Saturdays of this yoga class and you two cornering me with… _this_ afterwards I'd wise up and just stop coming," she murmurs, deflating under their too caring gazes. Always with the matchmaking.

They both chuckle, Jane's always a bit rougher, a bit deeper and she feels Maura's hand pat at hers.

"We just want you to be happy, Regina."

"And laid," Jane adds.

"Jane!" Maura smacks her on the arm again and Jane winces even as she laughs and throws her hands up in a 'what?! It's true!' manner.

And Regina's standing and slipping her coat on because she's officially done with these two and their soft, soft eyes and Jane's stupid –ly accurate comments and she leans down to press a kiss to Maura's cheek, her hand resting over Maura's own on her belly before fixing Jane with a glare.

"Take care of her."

And Jane's face softens and she smiles, nodding as her and Maura watch Regina walk out of the café and disappear past the window.

"How long do you think it'll take?"

Maura tilts her head in thought, both of them still looking out the window, cars passing and people strolling by with scarves and hats and little kids bundled up like that kid from A Christmas Story.

"I give it three weeks."

Maura turns and fixes Jane with a smirk.

"I give it one."

And Jane smiles wryly, tipping her coffee cup.

"You're on, Doctor Isles."


End file.
